Question 1

According to John Gottman's research, what is a 'repair attempt'?

Accepted Answer

Any statement or action that prevents negativity from escalating during conflict. Gottman defines repair attempts as any statement or action — silly or serious — that prevents negativity from escalating out of control. They're the emotional brakes of a relationship.

Question 2

What did Gottman's research find about repair attempts in happy vs. unhappy couples?

Accepted Answer

Both make them, but happy couples recognize and accept them more often. Both happy and unhappy couples make repair attempts, but the key difference is reception. In happy relationships, partners notice and respond to these bids for de-escalation. In struggling ones, repairs go unacknowledged.

Question 3

Which of these is an example of a repair attempt during an argument?

Accepted Answer

Saying 'Can we start over? I didn't mean to sound harsh'. Repair attempts can be verbal ('Let me try that again') or nonverbal (a gentle touch, a smile). The key is that they signal a desire to de-escalate and reconnect rather than continue escalating.

Question 4

Gottman's research found that the success of repair attempts is the primary predictor of:

Accepted Answer

Whether a marriage will succeed or fail. In his longitudinal studies, Gottman found that the success rate of repair attempts was the single most important factor in predicting whether marriages would last — more important than the severity or frequency of conflicts.

Question 5

What is 'flooding' in relationship psychology, and how do repair attempts relate to it?

Accepted Answer

Being overwhelmed by emotion to the point of shutting down — repairs prevent it. Flooding occurs when someone becomes so physiologically overwhelmed (heart rate above 100 BPM) that they can't process information effectively. Successful repair attempts intervene before flooding occurs, keeping both partners in a state where productive conversation is possible.

Question 6

Which of Gottman's 'Four Horsemen' makes repair attempts hardest to receive?

Accepted Answer

Contempt. Contempt — expressing disgust or superiority toward a partner — is the most corrosive of the Four Horsemen. When contempt is present, partners are least likely to notice or accept repair attempts because the emotional climate feels too hostile.

Question 7

What role does humor play in repair attempts?

Accepted Answer

It can effectively de-escalate tension when both partners share the laugh. Shared humor is one of the most effective repair strategies — but the key word is 'shared.' The humor must de-escalate for both people. Sarcasm or jokes at a partner's expense are not repair attempts; they're veiled criticism.

Question 8

What is a 'softened startup' and how does it relate to repair?

Accepted Answer

Beginning a difficult conversation gently rather than with criticism, reducing the need for repairs. A softened startup means raising concerns without blame or criticism (e.g., 'I feel...' instead of 'You always...'). Gottman found that conversations end on the same note they begin — so a gentle start reduces the need for repair attempts later.

Question 9

Research suggests that effective repair attempts often include which element?

Accepted Answer

Taking responsibility for at least part of the problem. Effective repairs often include some ownership — 'I can see how my tone was harsh' or 'My part in this is...' This doesn't mean accepting all blame; it means acknowledging your contribution to the dynamic, which invites the other person to do the same.

Question 10

What does Gottman mean by a 'positive sentiment override'?

Accepted Answer

A general climate of goodwill that makes partners interpret each other's actions charitably. Positive sentiment override means that in healthy relationships, partners give each other the benefit of the doubt. This climate of goodwill makes repair attempts more likely to be received well — because the underlying assumption is 'we're on the same team.'

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